I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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