He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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