ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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