Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
