do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
