I think i peed on brittanys purse
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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