Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
