I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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