i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
