i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
