he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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