YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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