Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
