so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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