It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
