get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Terrible idea I love it
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
