Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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