maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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