i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
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