Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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