dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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