I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Randomize
