he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
