Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she peed on how many people?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
