He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
