Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
