So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
