I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
