It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
