I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
