I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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