I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
