You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
