South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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