From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I am one with the molecules
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
