Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
