You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
