Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
