I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
