I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
