i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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