weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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