my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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