6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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