On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
