i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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