I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
