Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
