I puked a lego.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
