How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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