WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
